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We speak the same language yet I don't under1997

Belew private msg quote post Address this user
I was sitting with a small group of young 'uns about 1/3 my age.

We were using similar words but I had no idea what they were saying.

All of a sudden one got really mad and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what had happened.

There were assumptions and foregone conclusions and the more I talked the worse it got.

One of them tried to rescue the situation and I couldn't understand what he was saying.

I understood each word he used but when he lined them up the way he did I had no idea what he meant.

Am I the only one?
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Seniorpreneur private msg quote post Address this user
@Belew I think that this could go both ways. I was in the local public library doing some research when I saw four Muslim girls with their head scarves talking just behind my computer station. All I did was offer them some help and one of them mis-understood what I said and immediately became enraged. They interpreted my helping action as a personal attack and I had to tell them to relax.
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Belew private msg quote post Address this user
@Seniorpreneur

I think you're right.

I wonder if people our age now thought these things about us when we were the age of the people we don't get or don't get us now.
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tienny private msg quote post Address this user
@belew That is what I am going through too. My ex-business mentor has tried to help. She has no other choice except to speak it out. I understand her kind intentions. I really appreciate her kind gesture. However, I learn to discern whether to do it.
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TPC private msg quote post Address this user
I appreciate how misunderstandings can happen between generations and cultures. In my business as a Dating and Relationship coach I consistently see and hear this happening between men and women. My client's have found it helpful to learn how men and women can have different definitions and reactions to the same word.

For example - A woman will ask a man 'could' he take out the trash. To the woman the definition of the word could is very benign.

To the man his definition of the word 'could' implies he isn't capable of doing it or doesn't know where it goes. Now of course he's capable and knows where it goes and of course she knows he does.

The problem happens when her opinion about him is important to him and his definition for the word indicates she might think he's not capable. And if she's important to him he definitely wants to know she thinks he's very capable of doing all sorts of things for her including taking out the trash.

So the remedy is for the woman to say instead, 'Would' you take out the trash? No possibility of miscommunication and the possible frustration and irritation that comes with it.

I'd be interested in hearing if this is something you've encountered in your personal and professional lives. I'd also be happy to talk about some of the 'landmine' words in the woman's dictionary.

Christine
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Belew private msg quote post Address this user
I think that not only are thereally dynamics btw men and women but how about when the couple come from different cultures.

I had the experience of a person using the words, "I want to do ..."

The listener understood it to mean it was his plan to do ... but the speakers meaning was he intended to do if certain requirements came about.

A friendship was lost that had long term repercussions.
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TPC private msg quote post Address this user
That is such an important story. Friendships, business and personal relationships and marriages are frequently lost because of miscommunicating.

So in addition to learning we have different definitions, as exhibited by your example, we need to learn how important it is to ask clarifying questions before we make a firm decision about what the other person truly means. I think is a valuable exercise in most conversations (both personal and professional) where expectations, deadlines, future goals,are being discussed.

The best outcome is everyone agrees they heard and understood the same thing. And a possible negative outcome is once both people have clearly stated their expectations they may end up disagreeing.

If the people in your example had the conversation -
Listener "So to make sure I understand clearly. You're saying you're planning to do......... right away."

Speaker "Actually I'll be doing ..... once these requirements are fulfilled."

What I've found with both the personal and business coaching I do is most people are happy to take the time to have this type of conversation because -
1. They know the other person was truly listening when they accurately restate what they said which makes anyone feel valued.

2. Sometimes when our words are accurately repeated back to us we find that's not actually what we meant to say and can correct it right away.

2. Stops misunderstanding right away before they get out of hand.

Christine
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Belew private msg quote post Address this user
@TPC

Indeed there is a relevance in our discussion here to marketing language, right?

Is the language we use in our marketing copy understood by the audience we have in mind?

Sadly, too often it is not.
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TPC private msg quote post Address this user
Sadly you're right. The copy needs to be written in the language that's spoken by your target audience. And if it's written by people who speak a different language than your audience you're lost before you start.

Christine
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bdaoust private msg quote post Address this user
So who is the go-between for interpretation? Don't we all need "editors" and "interpreters" so we can Beta test our message?

We know what we want to say, the interpreter should be able to put it into the right words for the target audience. I know I use "beta" testers from the target market, just to get it right.
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TPC private msg quote post Address this user
Great point and so glad to hear you use 'beta' testers from your target market to get it right when you're writing your marketing message. I'm sure it helps you be even more successful.

I believe it's a terrible disservice if you don't present your message clearly in a way the people who need your service will hear it.

And my clients often call me their interpreter. I start out explaining what the other person really meant and as we work together I teach them how to speak the language of their partner so they'll each finally be understood.
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tienny private msg quote post Address this user
@TPC that's an amazing job.
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TPC private msg quote post Address this user
Thank you tienny. I love my job!
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morrnel private msg quote post Address this user
Hi all. Good info @TPC.
We are hearing miscommunication in presidential politics. Unless you understand how New Yorkers talk, you are misinterpreting everything Trump was saying. He had to bring in a coach to help him change the way he talked to people.

Marketing is about persuasion. Read Scott Adams' blog on persuasion. You find it insightful. Read it at http://dilbert.com. He is writing about both candidates' techniques.
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TPC private msg quote post Address this user
Thank you morrnel for your compliment. You made a great point referring to our current presidential politics and how learning the language of your audience gives them the best chance to correctly hear and understand your message.

In politics as well as business and personal relationships I've learned in order to be successful learning to communicate in the 'language' of the other person is essential.
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Belew private msg quote post Address this user
Sometimes we don't like what we hear and we just want to pretend we heard smth else.
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TPC private msg quote post Address this user
Oh you definitely said a mouthful Belew! Pretending we heard something different than what was said just because we didn't like what was said definitely has the potential to get everyone into lots of hot water.

And it's also another form of denial for which I learned a great acronym.

Don't
Even
Notice
I
Am
Lying
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Belew private msg quote post Address this user
@TPC

Too often we understand all too well and we just don't like what we understood.

Love the acronym.
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TPC private msg quote post Address this user
Belew

Thanks I like it a lot too. Really tells it like it is.

And a perfect example of your point-

Quite easily understood and if you're doing it you really don't like what it means and would rather 'not understand.'
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